Episode 86: In defense of the hours spent watching Rugrats

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Well, it’s been… Okay, look, maybe we can pretend it’s just been the weird weather keeping me inside. Yeah, that’s it. It’s because I’ve had to deal with snow. In April. After a glimpse of spring. Let’s go with that.

Regardless of the why, I’ve been spending a lot of time indoors, specifically in my home with my cats who have now grown very tired of my nonsense. Because of course they have. They’re cats: beings that can definitely be affectionate but only on their terms that are now infringed upon by events that will go unnamed. 

And, like I said last episode, we’re all in this boat, and we’re trying to make the most of it because literally what else are we going to do. I’ve even started on a couple of home improvement projects. And by home improvement, I mean making my home a little more organized because the first couple weeks I couldn’t be bothered to maintain any sort of organization system. But it’s fine. Everything is fine.

Anyway, there’s something else I’ve been working on. Practicing a cut crease eyeshadow look because I’ve been somewhat fascinated by it for about a year but haven’t been able to make it work. Like at all. Okay, but that’s… My--My terrible makeup skills are not being discussed right now. 

A third thing that I had been meaning to do before this situation and am trying to do now is more effectively use my subscriptions to various streaming services. Admittedly, I’m probably one of those customers who subsidies these companies by using them so little. But I don’t want to cancel because when I use them, I really use them. Like there’ll be a show or movie all my coworkers are watching and talking about, so I’ll need to catch up which then leads to me falling into a rabbit hole of related and recommended content, and suddenly it feels like I’m getting a lot of use out of it. Maybe too much. When did I last sleep for a full eight hours? Just kidding. That’s unrelated. I’m usually up because of podcasting, but that’s not the point.

This podcast, of course, has always been a wrench in that cost-benefit analysis system. Because a podcast about media--regardless of the details--will need its podcaster to have access to said media, but even during the podcast saga, I did not put my subscriptions on hold.

And whether or not it should have, that did bother me a bit, so I thought--at the very least--I can spend this time clocking in some more episodes on these services. You know, improve that return on investment a bit. 

And time-wise, I have. I have also listened to more podcasts. But it’s not (sigh)… it’s not been what I was expecting.

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Hi. It’s M. Welcome to Episode 86.

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You see, to start this all off, there are a couple television shows that I feel like I have to keep up with. And that’s a feeling that’s hard to parse out. Because I know I don’t enjoy watching them. I know I probably should not watch them for a variety of reasons, but all the same, I still do it. But from one of those viewings, I found out in the related content section that some of the Nicktoons I loved as a kid were now on Hulu. Nicktoons, being the term for the various cartoons Nickelodeon would air in the nineties. And maybe they still use that term is still, but I did not bother to check. I didn’t even check to see how much of the catalogue was on Hulu. I’ve been too busy rewatching Rugrats and Hey Arnold. Also other shows from my life. But Rugrats, in particular, has to be the biggest standout of the lot. It’s a show literally about babies going on childhood adventures. And while it’s wholesome, undemanding nature was great for small children, I am currently in my twenties now. 

And as for podcasts, I’ve started this thing where I relisten to all the episodes of my favorite shows to try and leave reviews for every episode. Do I still have that obscenely large to-listen to list? Yes. Most definitely. But I can’t bring myself to take this time in my home to push through it all. I mean, right now, I wouldn’t even have to wear headphones or earbuds. Well, yes some of the sound designs can rile up my cats, but they calm down. Eventually.

But okay, my point is that against reason, I’m not even taking a small step to broaden my horizons. Even new episodes of Lore--a show that has a very distinct feel--are going ignored just so I can relisten to the first one-hundred episodes over and over again. And look, Podchaser extended their reviews-for-good campaign to the end of the month, so every review I leave is helping people in need and helping my favorite shows grow and find a bigger audience. 

And I could leave it there, right? In many ways, there doesn’t need to be more reasons or an explanation for what I’m doing than that. I mean, hello, global situation here. We all have to get through it the best we can. And re-consuming content is a non-issue of the highest order.

But the Rugrats thing was really bothering me. Because while nostalgia is a gripping force… there are better outlets for it than a show about babies.

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I can’t say that I have not thought about Rugrats in years because that would be inaccurate and not how the internet works. 90s kids love to reminiscence. And that can be in the form of analytical YouTube videos that you don’t think need to exist until you see just how intelligent and informative they are, and then you’re happy that you’ve seen them. And then you start watching more of them and you get more nostalgic or you remember more about how… messed up your childhood was in moments. And because this is television we’re talking about and not parenting or Furbys, it’s not as much of an issue as that sentence would imply. 

But you could write that off as a (quote) weird thing millennials do. But I think it’s more than that. I think we seek out our childhood media or trends because… (sigh) Well, it’s comforting. And I started to think more about the reason why we find it so.  

That doesn’t mean I had an epiphany about it, though. Just to gauge your expectations appropriately. I am way too worn down for that. Whether it be from the existential dread or the chaos my cats cause as a way of essentially showing off to me. One keeps getting behind the fridge, and by getting, I mean getting stuck. (sigh)

But maybe I shouldn’t have to. Maybe I should just be able to say what I want to say without trying to justify it. Without trying to justify the space I am taking up when you could just disengage at any time. I can hear the logic flowing beneath those words, but all the same, I struggle to fully believe them. 

Setting aside the exact issue of why I don’t easily believe that, at the very least, I don’t like that I don’t believe that. I recognize that this is an unwelcome and uneasy feeling without which my life would be infinitely better, but shaking it off is still difficult for me. The only real solution I’ve found is to completely retreat from it, seeking sanctuary. And the only guaranteed sanctuary is… For better or worse, the past. 

In the case of podcasting or the shows I’ve been relistening to almost on repeat, it’s easier to argue that I don’t have rose-colored glasses on. Maybe there’s some idealization going on, but it’s not a complete reimagining of what came before. Whereas… Well, I can say things were simpler when I was a kid, but factually speaking--excluding the current situation--that’s just not accurate. My dad was dying most of my childhood after having a massive heart attack when I was an infant. That’s a never ending state of anxiety right there. And admittedly, stories were a great way for me to turn that anxiety down a couple clicks.

Look I was a kid; I could not be expected to find more permanent solutions. My fear and grief were never going to be neat little things that were easy to dwell with or consume. And they maybe made other people uncomfortable with how apparent and obvious they were. I don’t care. I needed more help than what I could have expected, especially while everything was unfolding and while--on the surface--I looked somewhat okay. It was a perfect storm to create a half-hearted and temporary solution. Which was amusing myself with television.

With that in mind, it might be easy to understand why Rugrats was so appealing to me. It’s a show about babies trying to figure out the world, and every episode is based on a misinterpretation of something the grown-ups said. The kids are safe if not properly supervised and resourceful in the face of challenges that might look overwhelming to them. But really technically aren’t. 

I’m not saying it was a great show. I’m not saying it was a fully cohesive story. But whatever storytelling rules that show may have broken or however simple the plot of each episode might have been, that was the sort of show I needed to watch. I needed something simple and low stakes to mentally latch onto while the rest of my world was spinning.

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Obviously, current events aren’t exactly comparable to that. The scope is off. Both events were stressful but in different ways. I mean, right now we’re not as powerless as I was. I mean, if we’re staying at home and not being jumping points for germs, that’s helping. There may be other consequences, but we aren’t doing nothing against the virus. Then again, this is just nonstop juggling, it seems. Balancing different needs within ourselves and trying to find some sense of order when confronted with the reality of how delicate it really is. Like some small, outside force can set the world on its head and can’t easily be stopped. Despite our best efforts. Cue existential dread, purchased in bulk like any sort of panic buy.

But really, I don’t have any coping mechanisms for this situation. None of us do. It’s not unprecedented in a global history sense, but we’re talking unprecedented for this human generation. And I do believe there is a human impulse to not pass these sorts of memories onward. We want to pretend that tragedies like this were locked away in more… “primitive eras” of human history, and in recent years, we’ve manufactured our own salvation somehow. But we haven’t.

So now we have to adjust and adapt something old to something new. And as a part of that, we have to figure out what is or is not safe. In some ways, it’s easier to just cut a corner or two. Like by returning to something that you knew was safe and that had maybe comforted you before. 

Like Rugrats. Or the various podcasts I’m relistening to instead of moving ahead on my to-listen list. Or the books I’m re-reading instead of reading any number of the many books I already own but have not touched. Because what better use of this time of self-isolation than self-betterment? I mean, it makes sense. It is probably needed. I mean, there’s always some version of ourselves we could aspire to be in an absurd way. Like for me, my godmother--or one of my godmothers, long story--is French, and I think it would blow her mind if I actually managed to learn half basic French this year. But I’m not doing that. I’m watching Rugrats. Again. As in again this month again. I had it on play while I was scripting this episode.

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In some ways, this state of repetition was inevitable. Right now, I’m not in the position to mentally assess anything new. I’m not in a position to re-engage and have that back and forth when a story tells you something, and you have to decide whether or not what it is said is good or bad, right or wrong, well said or just spat out. It’s not even being critical about the media you consume. It’s about deciding whether or not you want to spend any more of your time with something in the face of the finite nature of the human endeavor. There are moments when I can’t even muster up something that basic.

But I know the things I have enjoyed in the past. I know the things that I thought were worth some sliver of my attention once upon a time and that just happens to be all I can offer now. I also know what brought me some sort of comfort. I know those things that could distract me from my most anxious moments and take the edge off of the worst of it. 

That’s what I’m reverting to right now. It’s not even just about easy to consume and somewhat mindless content based on a twist of a phrase. Some of my other choices are a bit… Intense?

Witchever Path, one of the shows I’ve been listening to, is anything but chill. Seriously. It’s got scary movie elements to it. And it’s intense and heart-twisting. Also there’s Lore which has its moments when it just hits my fears head-on. But all the same, I know all those episodes. I know what’s going to happen. I can gage my dread accordingly.

That’s the other element of it. It’s the certainty. It’s knowing the ups and downs ahead of time. The ups and downs of this ride. Ups and Downs that were bearable, mind you. And even if things are improving, well, I don’t know how some of the details are going to work out. 

But I can’t think about that. I would much rather think about stories that I like. Like The Amelia Project, Seren, The Tower, and other shows. For right now, I just need a break. I need to chill. In a blanket fort with some stories.

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This has been a production of Miscellany Media Studios with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. Thanks for listening! Find more information about our shows at miscellanymedia.online or follow us on Twitter @miscellanymedia for updates on current and future projects.

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